Gratz to Andrew for finding this awesome vid.
John Cleese makes a case for the Institute for Data Trauma (Flash player required)...
Watch it. Trust me.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Linkalicious
I don't know why I'm doing this, considering I currently have zero readers. That's right, zero. Not that you'd know that, since you're not reading my blog. If you want some great info on the WSOP, check the links below (or any other poker blogger's site).
World Series of Poker Live Blog
World Series of Poker
World Series of Poker News
World Series of Poker Podcast
World Series of Poker - Pokerstars Live Blog
World Series of Poker Live Blog
World Series of Poker
World Series of Poker News
World Series of Poker Podcast
World Series of Poker - Pokerstars Live Blog
Monday, June 20, 2005
Kissing about $10k goodbye.
We had a thunderstorm this weekend. A huge, nasty thunderstorm. It's Saturday morning, I'm taking my Integra in for an oil change and it's about 70 degrees outside. Beautiful and sunny. I pull into the shop, and my buddy Rich goes out for a smoke. I linger by the car, always watchful for the presence of that one bastard mechanic who will "accidentally" jab a flathead screwdriver into some tender area of my car and then explain that the hole was already there, but that I shouldn't worry because they can fix it for $100.
As I'm standing by my car, I hear the all too familiar sound of rain on sheet metal. Not much of it, yet. Richie's cigarette isn't even burned down halfway (For those of you who don't smoke, an average cigarette takes about 5-6 minutes to finish). It's still sunny out.
[Editor's note] The next three minutes have been removed, as they are completely boring, and would be a waste of your time to read.
Richie's cigarette is now finished. There are torrents of water rushing down the sides of the road, and my oil change is done. (6 minute oil change. Kickass.) We get in the car and start the 15 block journey back to my apartment. Most of this drive was done in a state of blindness, due to the fact that the windshield wipers couldn't respond fast enough to the vast amounts of water that seemed magnetically attracted to them.
I flick on the right blinker to pull into the apartment complex. The right front tire touches the outer limits of the parking lot, and as if synchronized to some all-powerful weather device, the rain stops. No, I didn't say it was drizzling, or that it slowed down a little. There was no longer any water falling out of the sky. None. By the time we get to my parking spot (about 40 seconds later), the majority of the sky was blue. How much a mindfuck is that? Seriously.
So I come into work today at 9:00 AM, and nothing works. Hm....... call IT.
I pick up the phone and dial the extension.
-----
IT: "Yeah, what's up?"
Me: "Yeah, not sure if you guys know or not, but the entire server seems to be down..."
IT: "Uh, yeah. I just noticed it. [Laughs]"
Me: "So..... why isn't it working?"
IT: "Ya know, I was just wondering the same thing."
Me: "Do we have an ETA?"
IT: "Well, like I said..... oh, hold on, I got someone on the other line."
[Editor's note] The next two minutes have been removed. Chris spent the majority of this time staring at his computer screen, drooling slightly on his keyboard. He may need a TardGuard(TM).
IT: "You still there?"
ME: "Yeah, what's up?"
IT: "I guess the air conditioning in the server room broke last night and the temperature is pushing 105 degrees. All the machines are blown. We think it's because of the thunderstorm yesterday. Probably won't be fixed until tomorrow."
-----
Even though I got the distinct impression that the IT person I was speaking to had an IQ similar to that of a fruit fly, I have to give the rest of his team credit. They managed to find and replace the fried parts in all of the machines that weren't completely blown and get them up and running by mid afternoon. That, along with the server boxes they had to completely replace, and the air conditioning system took the company for about $10k. And I got to go home early.
As I'm standing by my car, I hear the all too familiar sound of rain on sheet metal. Not much of it, yet. Richie's cigarette isn't even burned down halfway (For those of you who don't smoke, an average cigarette takes about 5-6 minutes to finish). It's still sunny out.
[Editor's note] The next three minutes have been removed, as they are completely boring, and would be a waste of your time to read.
Richie's cigarette is now finished. There are torrents of water rushing down the sides of the road, and my oil change is done. (6 minute oil change. Kickass.) We get in the car and start the 15 block journey back to my apartment. Most of this drive was done in a state of blindness, due to the fact that the windshield wipers couldn't respond fast enough to the vast amounts of water that seemed magnetically attracted to them.
I flick on the right blinker to pull into the apartment complex. The right front tire touches the outer limits of the parking lot, and as if synchronized to some all-powerful weather device, the rain stops. No, I didn't say it was drizzling, or that it slowed down a little. There was no longer any water falling out of the sky. None. By the time we get to my parking spot (about 40 seconds later), the majority of the sky was blue. How much a mindfuck is that? Seriously.
So I come into work today at 9:00 AM, and nothing works. Hm....... call IT.
I pick up the phone and dial the extension.
-----
IT: "Yeah, what's up?"
Me: "Yeah, not sure if you guys know or not, but the entire server seems to be down..."
IT: "Uh, yeah. I just noticed it. [Laughs]"
Me: "So..... why isn't it working?"
IT: "Ya know, I was just wondering the same thing."
Me: "Do we have an ETA?"
IT: "Well, like I said..... oh, hold on, I got someone on the other line."
[Editor's note] The next two minutes have been removed. Chris spent the majority of this time staring at his computer screen, drooling slightly on his keyboard. He may need a TardGuard(TM).
IT: "You still there?"
ME: "Yeah, what's up?"
IT: "I guess the air conditioning in the server room broke last night and the temperature is pushing 105 degrees. All the machines are blown. We think it's because of the thunderstorm yesterday. Probably won't be fixed until tomorrow."
-----
Even though I got the distinct impression that the IT person I was speaking to had an IQ similar to that of a fruit fly, I have to give the rest of his team credit. They managed to find and replace the fried parts in all of the machines that weren't completely blown and get them up and running by mid afternoon. That, along with the server boxes they had to completely replace, and the air conditioning system took the company for about $10k. And I got to go home early.
Friday, June 17, 2005
The pot limit laywer's game
A friend of mine at work swings by my desk yesterday, so excited he can barely breathe (He's a very heavyset individual). After several minutes of waiting for him to catch his breathe while he tries to form coherent sentences, he finally gets it out. There's a pot limit .25-.50 game on the other side of town that a friend of a friend of a friend is hosting, and it's apparantly filled with a bunch of wealthy fish. They're all laywers. After mulling and pondering, I finally decide to check the game out. I pick up a completely different friend (For the purposes of this story, we'll call him Richie) and we both head over to this guy's house. Armed with Powerade and cigarettes, we bust through the garage door to find the host (a foreign guy whose name I can't pronounce) and Hal (My overweight friend). Oh well. Guess I'll smoke half my pack waiting for the rest of these jokers to show up. I check my watch. 8:30 PM. I have to get up at 8:00 AM. *sigh*
Finally everyone shows up and we get the game underway. Richie and I buy in for $20 each. I've decided that since at this point I have no idea who most of these people are, I'll be better off playing extremely tight until I see what kind of players they are. Yeah.... about 5 hands in I realize that they're all draw-chasers. Every last one of them. 6 high flush draw on the turn? No problem, I'll call your $4 bet and raise you $12. And to top it off, after they river their flush, they start prattling on about how they played the hand SO perfect and wondered how I could call them down with trips with an ace kicker. I kindly excuse myself, go outside and proceed to smash as many windows as possible in 2 minutes, then like the gentleman I am, go back inside and pretend like nothing happened.
One hand in particular that comes to mind.
.25-.50 PL 8 handed.
I'm dealt ATs on the button. It's folded to MP (foreign guy), who limps along with MP1. I raise it up to $2, small blind folds, big bling (Hal) calls, MP and MP1 both call.
Flop Tc Td 4c. Hal bets $1, MP raises to $3, MP1 folds, I re-raise to $10. Hal immediately calls, foreign guy thinks for a minute, and folds.
Turn Qs. Hal checks, I bet $6, he thinks for a long time and raises to $12. I go into the tank.
Based on the way he's been playing I can put him on a pretty wide range at this point. He's been bluffing at some pots pretty heavily all night. On the other hand, he knows how tight I've been playing, and I don't know if he has the balls to try and bluff when he thinks I'm already made. So. What could he possibly have? Based on how quickly he called the flop raise, I have to assume that he hit the flop in some way. Possibly pocket 4's? I don't think so. T4? I don't think so. An overpair? Unlikely, he would have re-raised me preflop with 9's or better. I'm pretty sure I have him beat at this point, but I decide just to call.
River 7c. Hal checks, I go all in for another $14.50. Hal calls without hesitation (Pot is now around $70) He flips over 6c8c for the rivered flush.
How do you think he played this hand? Feel free to leave comments.
Finally everyone shows up and we get the game underway. Richie and I buy in for $20 each. I've decided that since at this point I have no idea who most of these people are, I'll be better off playing extremely tight until I see what kind of players they are. Yeah.... about 5 hands in I realize that they're all draw-chasers. Every last one of them. 6 high flush draw on the turn? No problem, I'll call your $4 bet and raise you $12. And to top it off, after they river their flush, they start prattling on about how they played the hand SO perfect and wondered how I could call them down with trips with an ace kicker. I kindly excuse myself, go outside and proceed to smash as many windows as possible in 2 minutes, then like the gentleman I am, go back inside and pretend like nothing happened.
One hand in particular that comes to mind.
.25-.50 PL 8 handed.
I'm dealt ATs on the button. It's folded to MP (foreign guy), who limps along with MP1. I raise it up to $2, small blind folds, big bling (Hal) calls, MP and MP1 both call.
Flop Tc Td 4c. Hal bets $1, MP raises to $3, MP1 folds, I re-raise to $10. Hal immediately calls, foreign guy thinks for a minute, and folds.
Turn Qs. Hal checks, I bet $6, he thinks for a long time and raises to $12. I go into the tank.
Based on the way he's been playing I can put him on a pretty wide range at this point. He's been bluffing at some pots pretty heavily all night. On the other hand, he knows how tight I've been playing, and I don't know if he has the balls to try and bluff when he thinks I'm already made. So. What could he possibly have? Based on how quickly he called the flop raise, I have to assume that he hit the flop in some way. Possibly pocket 4's? I don't think so. T4? I don't think so. An overpair? Unlikely, he would have re-raised me preflop with 9's or better. I'm pretty sure I have him beat at this point, but I decide just to call.
River 7c. Hal checks, I go all in for another $14.50. Hal calls without hesitation (Pot is now around $70) He flips over 6c8c for the rivered flush.
How do you think he played this hand? Feel free to leave comments.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
What a great hand. For him.
Here's a hand that made me want to grab the guy, rip out his eyes and tongue, messily remove his arms and legs, so that he might live the rest of his life blind and mute, only able to hear the children scream as they run from his horrific, unsightly form. (Gratz to The Princess Bride for that one)
.25-.50NL 6 handed.
I'm the small blind with KK. Everyone folds to MP, who raises to $1. I re-raise to $3. Big blind folds, MP calls.
Flop K59 rainbow. I bet $2, MP raises to $4, I re-raise to $20, MP pushes all-in (He had $65 at the beginning of the hand), I have him covered. I call (Pot is $130, which constitutes the largest pot I've been in). MP flips over 55.
Turn blank.
Do I have to say it?
*sigh*
He rivered quads.
On this note, with absolutely no faith in the universe, I advocate strongly that the various hardware companies, specifically the ones who make keyboards, include a new key just for us poker players. The key will only be sold to poker players who have proven themselves capable of walking and breathing at the same time, only to be used in the most dire of circumstances. The desperation one feels when he or she is repeatedly sucked out on; the overwhelming desire to find the person that could have been capable of this idiotic, horrific act, and remove their ability to have children. All of these feelings can be abated with just one key. The key that removes our choice. The key that will fix the world.
.25-.50NL 6 handed.
I'm the small blind with KK. Everyone folds to MP, who raises to $1. I re-raise to $3. Big blind folds, MP calls.
Flop K59 rainbow. I bet $2, MP raises to $4, I re-raise to $20, MP pushes all-in (He had $65 at the beginning of the hand), I have him covered. I call (Pot is $130, which constitutes the largest pot I've been in). MP flips over 55.
Turn blank.
Do I have to say it?
*sigh*
He rivered quads.
On this note, with absolutely no faith in the universe, I advocate strongly that the various hardware companies, specifically the ones who make keyboards, include a new key just for us poker players. The key will only be sold to poker players who have proven themselves capable of walking and breathing at the same time, only to be used in the most dire of circumstances. The desperation one feels when he or she is repeatedly sucked out on; the overwhelming desire to find the person that could have been capable of this idiotic, horrific act, and remove their ability to have children. All of these feelings can be abated with just one key. The key that removes our choice. The key that will fix the world.
$30 Rebuy
This happened yesterday.
A friend of mine told me about a tournament that a local bar was hosting, so I figured, what the hell? How bad could it possibly be? I find out the tourney is starting on Tuesday night at 6pm, so I make sure to get off a little early to make enough time for registration. I pick my buddy up and we make our way over there, arriving at about 4:45 (registration was at 5:00). My impression up to this point was that the tournament was a $20 shootout. I go and ask the head bartender and he tells me in no uncertain terms that I'm very wrong. It is in fact a $30 rebuy. (Unlimited rebuys for $30/starting stack up until the end of the first half, at which time you may purchase an add-on for $30 regardless of current stack size) Grumbling under my breathe as I sign in, I take a peek around the room to see what sort of competetion I've got. Old guys, old guys, an old mexican guy, a few more old guys, and one young white trash girl that's letting a bunch of random guys spank her with a paddle. Yeah. No joke.
So I go outside and smoke something like 10 cigarettes in a row. 6:00 rolls around, and I go in to see how the set-up is doing, where I find out that the tournament has been pushed back another hour because the turn out was much larger than expected.
...
FUCK!
BULLSHIT!
... I need more cigarettes.
...
10 cigarettes and 5 games of pool later the tournament starts. I hit pretty much nothing for the first 1/2 hour or so, then look down and see red 2's on the button. Everyone (Yes, everyone) limps in, so I raise to 40. Flop comes As 2s 4c. SB checks, MP bets 40, MP1 raises to 100, everyone folds to me. I call. Turn is a blank (something like an 8d I think). MP bets 40, MP1 calls, I raise it to 200. Both players call. River is a 4h. MP bets 50, I raise it to 200. He calls, and rolls over Ks 4s (had the flush draw on the flop, made trips on the river). Too bad I have a full house. Easy way to almost double up.
Another 30 minutes or so go by and I look down at aces. Problem is, I'm the big bling, and everyone else thinks it's the right time to fold, so I don't even get an opportunity to check them.
1 hour later. Best hand I've seen since the bullets is A8 off. I look down and find AKs. Long story short, I played them a bit too hard (Yeah, I know.)and ended losing to trips. Still had about 800 in chips.
Here's the last hand. Everyone folds to a known bluffer, who makes it 200 to go. Everyone folds to me. I look down and see black 7's. I decide to call. Flop comes 37K rainbow. He deliberates for barely a second and throws out a bet of 250. I spend a long time looking at him and I notice something interesting on his face. Up in between his right eye and his forehead there's a vein that's throbbing a mile a minute. I figure this means one of two things. Either this guy snorted a few pounds of speed, or he's nervous. Why would he be nervous right now? Unless..... he doesn't want me to call him.
"All in!" I proudly announce, and shove my remaining 600 or so chips towards the middle of the table.
And before I had barely finished my statement, he almost fell out of his chair in an attempt to shove his stack in as well. Oops. He flips over pocket kings. Set over set, and I didn't improve. Next time I see a vein pumping that much blood to a dumbass's miniscule brain, I'll take another second to think about it.
Time to get drunk and watch the Family Guy.
A friend of mine told me about a tournament that a local bar was hosting, so I figured, what the hell? How bad could it possibly be? I find out the tourney is starting on Tuesday night at 6pm, so I make sure to get off a little early to make enough time for registration. I pick my buddy up and we make our way over there, arriving at about 4:45 (registration was at 5:00). My impression up to this point was that the tournament was a $20 shootout. I go and ask the head bartender and he tells me in no uncertain terms that I'm very wrong. It is in fact a $30 rebuy. (Unlimited rebuys for $30/starting stack up until the end of the first half, at which time you may purchase an add-on for $30 regardless of current stack size) Grumbling under my breathe as I sign in, I take a peek around the room to see what sort of competetion I've got. Old guys, old guys, an old mexican guy, a few more old guys, and one young white trash girl that's letting a bunch of random guys spank her with a paddle. Yeah. No joke.
So I go outside and smoke something like 10 cigarettes in a row. 6:00 rolls around, and I go in to see how the set-up is doing, where I find out that the tournament has been pushed back another hour because the turn out was much larger than expected.
...
FUCK!
BULLSHIT!
... I need more cigarettes.
...
10 cigarettes and 5 games of pool later the tournament starts. I hit pretty much nothing for the first 1/2 hour or so, then look down and see red 2's on the button. Everyone (Yes, everyone) limps in, so I raise to 40. Flop comes As 2s 4c. SB checks, MP bets 40, MP1 raises to 100, everyone folds to me. I call. Turn is a blank (something like an 8d I think). MP bets 40, MP1 calls, I raise it to 200. Both players call. River is a 4h. MP bets 50, I raise it to 200. He calls, and rolls over Ks 4s (had the flush draw on the flop, made trips on the river). Too bad I have a full house. Easy way to almost double up.
Another 30 minutes or so go by and I look down at aces. Problem is, I'm the big bling, and everyone else thinks it's the right time to fold, so I don't even get an opportunity to check them.
1 hour later. Best hand I've seen since the bullets is A8 off. I look down and find AKs. Long story short, I played them a bit too hard (Yeah, I know.)and ended losing to trips. Still had about 800 in chips.
Here's the last hand. Everyone folds to a known bluffer, who makes it 200 to go. Everyone folds to me. I look down and see black 7's. I decide to call. Flop comes 37K rainbow. He deliberates for barely a second and throws out a bet of 250. I spend a long time looking at him and I notice something interesting on his face. Up in between his right eye and his forehead there's a vein that's throbbing a mile a minute. I figure this means one of two things. Either this guy snorted a few pounds of speed, or he's nervous. Why would he be nervous right now? Unless..... he doesn't want me to call him.
"All in!" I proudly announce, and shove my remaining 600 or so chips towards the middle of the table.
And before I had barely finished my statement, he almost fell out of his chair in an attempt to shove his stack in as well. Oops. He flips over pocket kings. Set over set, and I didn't improve. Next time I see a vein pumping that much blood to a dumbass's miniscule brain, I'll take another second to think about it.
Time to get drunk and watch the Family Guy.
Straight Flush and Aces
Here was a fun hand. Or should I say, two hands? :)
Yes, it was only play money. Doesn't matter though, I'd rather practice for free.
Enjoy
Made me laugh...
Poker is Stupid
Like I said, I'm simple. But it's funny. Really. Yeah.
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